Banjo: A New Era
by ShootingRistar360
Summary: My version of what happens after Banjo-Tooie. Banjo and Kazooie return to defeat Klungo as he takes charge and plans to dominate the galaxy!
1. Introduction

_INTRODUCTION_

Here are some important things to know about my first Banjo-Kazooie fanfic (AND first fanfic on this site), Banjo: A New Era.

This fanfic takes place after the events of the Banjo-Tooie video game, but most elements come from Banjo-Kazooie, because I am fonder of that game and I play it much more often.

This story is taught in a video game format (as if you were really playing a game!) inspired by HotelMotelHolidayInn's Spiral series. They're really good. READ THEM RIGHT NOW.

Tooty is referred to as Piccolo in this story. There's a reason for that. In earlier stages of Banjo-Kazooie's development, Tooty's beta name was Piccolo. I prefer Piccolo because it's the instrument she plays. Also I prefer Piccolo because Tooty just sounds wrong.

Sorry to Jam Jars fans for what happens to him in the story. I just don't like Jam Jars much.

Yes, Banjo-Kazooie 3 is being made and will take place after the second Banjo game. This is MY version of what happens.

This has no relation to Banjo-Kazooie: Grunty's Revenge or Banjo-Kazooie: Grunty's Revenge Missions.

Lastly, DON'T BASH AND FLAME ME FOR KILLING OFF GRUNTILDA. It just seems natural after what happened in Banjo-Tooie.

Now, let's move on to the dynamic duo's new adventure! Complete with new surprises!


	2. The Return of Klungo!

_CUTSCENE 1: THE RETURN OF KLUNGO!_

(As you begin the game, the camera soars around a view of Spiral Mountain, as Bottles narrates what happened after Banjo-Tooie.)

Bottles: The heroic team of Banjo and Kazooie had finally taken town the sinister Gruntilda Winkybunion and saved the day- or probably a few weeks - once more. After the final showdown the only remainder of Gruntilda was her skull. Banjo and all his friends took her to the mole family house (where I live) and cooked her in a "beWITCHing" stew. BeWITCHing! Get it? HEEHEE GIGGLE SNORT. Of course, Banjo and Jolly Roger ate all of it. No one else wanted any. Banjo being stupid, Jolly Roger always drinking beer and rum. Anyway, with Grunty vanquished, Banjo and Kazooie figured that all evil was gone for good… BUT THEY WERE WRONG! DUN DUN DUUUUN!

Grandma Bottles: Bottles, dear, come over here and lend me a hand with these chores.

Bottles: Aw, Mom, I'm doing a cool video game narration thingy right now!

Grandma Bottles: Your…thingy can wait! Now get to work with those dishes.

Bottles: Aw, man!

79 HOURS LATER…

(The view continues and Bottles resumes his boring Banjo speech…thingy.)

Bottles: Little did our heroes know an evil more powerful than ever! Klungo survi-

Grandma Bottles: BED TIME!

Bottles: NO!

(The noise of a shot gun and a painful scream is heard.)

Bottles: Where was I? Oh yeah! Klungo survived! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Goggles: Dad, shut up! Your evil laughs are horrible!

Bottles: BED.

Goggles: That's dumb. Just like you!

Bottles: Klungo had a preposterous ploy of his own!

(Screen cuts to a strange new laboratory with Klungo working on a large device.)

Klungo: Life much better for Klungo without sssstupid misssstressss around!

(Klungo bends over to push some buttons on the tiny machine. A huge metallic doorway pops out with strange spinning, glowing spirals inside.)

Klungo: Klungo no need thissss place! Klungo use machine to teleport to whole new planet! Klungo sssshal conquer Planet Era! Most technologically advanced planet of all! Klungo usssse power from Era and return to take over thisss dump, too! And all worlds!

Bottles: DUMP?! That's MY homeland you're talking about!

Klungo: WHAT THAT?!

Bottles: Oh, I'm the narrator!

Klungo: Well, shut up! You sssscare Klungo! While Klungo away, Klungo pepper this world with mechs and mutants to desssstroy bear and bird and keep lab secret. They never catch Klungo! HEHAHAHAHA!

Bottles: Wow, you're much better at that than I am.

Klungo: QUIET!

C'mon! Read and review! What are you waiting for?

Banjo: Listen to him or I'll sic Kazooie on you...Through the computer…

ShootingRistar360: Riiiight. Just stop talking, okay?


	3. Banjo in Trouble

_CUTSCENE 2: BANJO IN TROUBLE_

(Banjo, Kazooie, Bottles, Mrs. Bottles, Goggles and Speccy are seen at Spiral Mountain admiring Banjo's rebuilt home.)

Banjo: Gee, thanks Bottles! It's nice to finally have a home again, eh, Kazooie?

Kazooie: Something smells fishy. Canister-face doing something nice for ME?

Bottles: It's the least I could do for helping us out so much! And I did that for BANJO, feathered freak!

Kazooie: I don't need YOU, fatso!

Bottles: Fatso?!

Banjo: Everyone be quiet! I haven't seen this much commotion since Banjo-Tooie!

Kazooie: Good going! You broke the fourth wall!

Banjo: FOURTH WALL?! I didn't even know there were two!

Kazooie: Banjo, you just don't get it, do you?

Banjo: I guess not. Wait… get what?

Bottles: SHUT UP AND LET'S GET TO THE POINT ALREADY! We have a game to run here! And if we want it to function properly, we'll have to work together! That means that you two will have to get along! No matter what!

Speccy: What?

Bottles: SHUT UP AND LET'S GET TO THE POINT ALREADY! We have a game to run here! And if we want it to function properly, we'll have to work together! That means that you two will have to get along! No matter what!

Speccy: Still…what?

Bottles: Never mind! AAARRRGGGHHH! Let's move on, people! And bears and moles and breeguls and stuff.

Kazooie: Okay, I'll work with Banjo, but not you, geeky!

Banjo: Maybe we should have our little house party some other time. Kazooie is in a real sour mood today.

(Kazooie raspberry's Bottles)

Bottles: Okay, seeya later, Banjo! Oh, and that turd in your pack, too!

Banjo: Man, am I glad THEY'RE gone!

(Banjo and Kazooie are sound asleep in Banjo's house when Kazooie is awakened by a strange noise.)

Kazooie: AAH! What was that?! Banjo? Banjo! Wake up!

(Kazooie jumps out of her backpack stand and looks out the window. A giant Grublin-Bot is destroying the land and animals with its iron fist…LITERALLY!)

Kazooie: Oh, no! Banjo, get off your fat carcass and help me save the freaking mountain!

(Kazooie has to resort to really nasty stuff now. That Banjo is a heavy sleeper!)

Kazooie: This should do the trick!

(Kazooie jumps on top of Banjo and barfs blue eggs all over his furry face.) Kazooie: He's waking up! He's waking up!

(Banjo sits up, angrily wiping yolk off his face.)

Banjo: Kazooie! What was that for?!

Kazooie: Look out the window!

(Banjo gathers up Kazooie in his backpack and takes off to fight the giant robot.)

Kazooie: There it is!

(The huge robot spots Banjo and Kazooie and chases after them.)

Banjo: Let's get 'em, Kazooie!

(Banjo and Kazooie separate. They lunge toward it only to be smashed so hard they go flying!)

Kazooie: GASP! I'm headed right for that giant rock! OOOF!

(Banjo lands on top of Kazooie.)

Kazooie: Mph! Ow! Okay, this can't get any worse.

(Banjo farts. Kazooie whimpers.)

Banjo gets up and looks beneath him.

Banjo: Thanks, Kazooie! You broke my fall!

(Kazooie weakly gets up.)

Kazooie: Don't mention it…

(The Metal Grublin pounds Banjo into the ground. Banjo gets up and runs away with Kazooie to hide on the other side of the moat.)

Kazooie: We're no match for him, but we have to do something!

Banjo: There's only ONE solution! TO THE BEAR-MOBILE!

(Kazooie glares irritably at her friend.)

Banjo: Oh, right. TO GRUNTY'S LAIR!

READ AND REVIEW. OR BE BLASTED BY MEGA-GRUBLIN 2000!

Mumbo: When Mumbo appear? Mumbo want to appear! sniff

Humba: Hopefully, never!


	4. Spiral Mountain

_LEVEL 1: SPIRAL MOUNTAIN  
_

This level begins with Banjo walking out of his house. Take a few steps forward to the mole hill right in front of you to talk to Bottles the Short-Sighted Mole.

Bottles: Hi, Banjo and Kazooie! In _Banjo: A New Era_ you'll be revisiting old moves and learning new ones! As you find my mole hills throughout your adventures I will tell you more about this!

Kazooie: Tell us everything NOW, goggle-boy!

Bottles: No can do! How could I be annoying if I didn't keep you waiting for all the cool stuff?

Kazooie: LET ME AT HIM!

Banjo: C'mon, Kazooie! Let's go find more moves.

Go into a grassy field to your left and run over to the mole hill before the vegetable ghosts get you! You can't attack yet! Once you get to the mole hill you'll learn your first move from Bottles.

Bottles: Wahay!

Banjo: Never say that again.

Bottles: Okay, but I have two moves in one for you to learn. First, try _Banjo's Bear Claw Swipe_! While standing still, simply press the **B** button!

Banjo: Sounds easy enough.

Kazooie: And the other move? I'm waiting!

Bottles: Oh, right! You know, these delays happen for no reason at all! I remember everything perfectly!

Kazooie: Oh, really? I could've sworn I saw you trying to hide the _Banjo: A New Era_ manual behind your back!

Bottles: Aw, poo!

Banjo: Poo? Eew!

Bottles: Um. Anyway, now try the _Banjo-Kazooie Twin-Summersault_. While running, push **B** and Banjo and Kazooie will join together to roll attack opponents! Try fighting off the phantom carrots.

The carrots bounce up and down. When they come to the ground, it's your chance to claw swipe or summersault them. Go left-forward until you find the moat. Go to Bottles' hill to learn what to do here.

Bottles: Press **A** to jump into the air! Press **A** again in the air for Kazooie to give you an extra boost! Use it to get to the platforms above the moat.

Kazooie: You expect me to be able to lift fatty here into the air?!

Bottles: No. I just like to torture you.

The first platform can be done with a single jump. The second jump requires help from Kazooie. Poor Kazooie! And the third one…well… you'll need to find another mole hill for that. Go back down the steps and hug along the edge of the moat. Until you learn swimming, water kills you! Find Bottles' hill resting on a tiny island in the center of the water! To a tricky jump and now you're at the hill!

Bottles: Hiya! When on the water, **B** sends you down to dive! Continue holding **B** to swim fast, or **A** to slow down.

Swim through the tunnel in the water and come out the other end to end up in a cave.

Bottles: Until now, you've had unlimited health. But because I love watching pain so much, I'll give you a health bar! Each honeycomb is one health point.

(Banjo starts drooling.)

Bottles: By defeating fodder enemies, you can collect honeycombs for more health. If you run out of honeycombs, you lose a life. If you run out of lives, it's Game Over for you and Kazooie.

Banjo: Oh, my! That sounds terrible!

Bottles: Right. So stalk up on honeycombs and stay healthy!

Claw swipe the Banjo button to break the wall to the right. Take the short way out to find a new mole hill.

Bottles: Remember that high platform? I have just the move to get up there! Hold** Z** to crouch. While hunched over like a crippled bear, use **A** to do a super-high jump.

Go back to the platforms. You know the drill. When you come to the top, you'll find another mole hill. HEEEE THAT RHYMES.

Bottles: I have no more moves to teach you in this world.

Banjo: Then why are you here?

Bottles: I have no idea.

Go to the center of Spiral mountain to find a big hill in the center. Get to the top. Across a huge gap, you can see the ruins of Gruntilda's lair and that robot earlier. The robot flies over to you.

MG2000: Me Mega-Grublin 2000! Me destroy puny puppy and pet parrot!

Banjo: Gee, Kazooie, this guy's got species issues.

MG2000: Come here so me can squash you!

A chase segment begins. Stay away from obstacles, never stop, and stay away from obstacles. AND never stop. Or go near obstacles.

Once the chase segment ends, Banjo and Kazooie jump down a hill, and tumble towards the second level!

Same old stuff. You know, read, review, bad consequences.


	5. A New Era

_CUTSCENE 3: A NEW ERA_

(Klungo is seen walking through a large electronic hallway.

Klungo: Yesssss! Planet Era interssssection! Just what the Klungo ordered!

(He spots a magical portal doorway.)

Klungo: Hmm…. Firsssst Era sub-world! Crazy Clown Carnival! People all over Era sssshall bow down to Klungo! HEHAHAHA!

Bottles: I admire that evil laugh!

Klungo: SHUT YER TRAP! Any who, Klungo begin with Crazy Clown Carnival, and Klungo move on to…THE WORLD! And of course the other planets! Bothersome bear and bird probably dead already! HEHAHAHA...Good. No compliments from narrating mole.

Klungo: Klungo hire guards and henchmen of all kinds in case of sssstupid tressspassserssss!

(Klungo jumps into the portal.)

Klungo: Hello, victory!

(Once Klungo is fully gone, Mumbo Jumbo walks out from behind a computer.)

Mumbo: Klungo up to something bad! Mumbo must return to Earth to warn Banjo!

(Mumbo uses his magical staff to warp away.)

Bottles: Little did Mumbo know, he'd have to do some hard searching to find Banjo and Kazooie.

(Mumbo materialises at Spiral Mountain.)

Mumbo: Banjo and friend must be around here somewhere.

(After searching every nook and cranny of Spiral Mountain, Mumbo gives up on Banjo being home.)

Mumbo: Banjo and friend must not be around here somewhere.

(Mumbo searches again until he finds the tall mountain Banjo and Kazooie plummeted down. Marks shaped exactly like them are everywhere.)

Mumbo: Wherever this leads, Mumbo bound to find Banjo there.

You're going to be pleasantly surprised by what the next level is!

Banjo: Ooh! Ooh! Is it Yoshi's Island?


	6. Fungus Forest Part 1

_LEVEL 2: FUNGUS FOREST_

Fungus Forest is a beta level from _Banjo-Kazooie_, and I decided to pull it into the light and make it part of the story!

This level is long, so it will be divided into two chapters.

The level begins with Mumbo landing at the bottom of the mountain, looking ahead into Fungus Forest, and entering. Walk over to the mole hill in front of you. As usual, Bottles comes out.

Bottles: I won't have to teach you much Mumbo, because you have very few moves because you suck.

Mumbo: RRRR….

Bottles: Hold **B** to shock enemies with your staff. Your staff has limited power. You gain power by collecting the _Mumbo Tokens_ from _Banjo-Kazooie_. Here, have 100_ Mumbo Tokens_ to start with. Tap the **A** button to do a crappy jump that won't help you much.

Get Mumbo to run a few more steps toward the next mole hill.

Bottles: See that spike pit with the four platforms above it right behind me? Your jump is so pathetic that you can't reach them! Go zap the Mumbo button beside me to activate a staircase to the platforms. Then you can get to the other end!

Mumbo: Mumbo has a better idea of what to zap…

Use your staff on the button just as Bottles says. A wooden stair case appears leading to the platforms above. But a cluster of colossal iron bars also appears, blocking the way!

Mumbo: Hey! You said Mumbo could get to other end!

Bottles: Did I forget to mention that you had to do a big battle first?

Mumbo: Uuhh…yes.

A bunch of yellow, Mini-Klungos with nothing on but lowing cloth will come after you. Don't waste too much token power. One quick zap will do. Defeat 15 of them to advance. Walk up the stairs and hop along the platforms. Drop down to the other end of the gap to collect 6 tokens. Go along the narrow path to find a filthy lake. Unfortunately, you have to swim through it. Jump in and go through the underwater cavern, while avoiding living poison mushrooms that spew poisonous ooze and get to the top. Come out on the surface to grab 10 tokens. Go back into the water to swim through another tunnel of evil mushrooms, come to the surface, and you're outside again. Walk along another path until you find a seed in the ground right in front of a tall, tall ledge. Shoot the button to your right to make the seed sprout into a giant mushroom. Once again, tons of huge bars come in your way. An army of Mini-Klungos attacks once more, this time chucking spears at you. DON'T WASTE YOUR MAGIC ON THEM. Lure them into hitting each other with their weapons. After killing 20, the bars vanish and Mumbo can resume the level. Above the giant mushroom is a giant torch that turns on and off. Wait for it to turn off, then jump on the mushroom to be flung into the air (and collect 3 tokens while in the air). Once you get to the top of the edge, go along another path (HOW MANY ARE THERE?!) and you'll come to a big locked door. There is a sign with a picture of a _Mumbo Token_ on it and the number 45 on it. Go to the mole hill to talk to Bottles.

Bottles: I sure hope you saved your tokens! If you don't have at least 45 you'll have to kill yourself like the emo midget you are and start over. If you have enough, I'll gladly use their magic to open this door for you! So, Mumbo, do you have enough of those _Mumbo Tokens_?

Mumbo: Yep. Freaky lardy elephant open door now?

Bottles: Yep. Wait, WHAT DID YOU JUST CALL ME?!

Mumbo: Nothing. Heh, heh.

The door flies open. Go through the door to find Banjo and Kazooie.

_TO BE CONTINUED… _

Read and review or be turned into a washing machine by Mumbo!

Mumbo: Yeah! Mumbo mean business! Wait, what washing machine?


	7. Fungus Forest Part 2

_LEVEL 2: FUNGUS FOREST_

Just as I said, I sliced this lengthy area in twain. Here's Banjo and Kazooie's part of the level, but first a mini-cut scene.

Mumbo: Phew! What a long run Mumbo do to find Banjo!

Banjo: Why did you need us, Mumbo?

Mumbo: Mumbo must warn bear and bird of terrible danger! Very terrible! So terrible, in fact, it give terrible bad name! SO TERRIBLE, in fact, it even-

Kazooie: Spit it out, pudgy! I ain't got all day!

Mumbo: Klungo return with new plot! Take over galaxy! Bad!

Kazooie: ENGLISH, please?

Banjo: I think he said he dropped his diaper in Klungo's nose-warmer.

Kazooie: I think Mumbo's English is getting worse! I could already barely make out what he said in _Kazooie_ or _Tooie_, but this is-

Banjo: Hey! And you yell at ME for breaking the fourth wall!

Mumbo: Klungo want to take over whole galaxy!

Kazooie: Oh! He's Taking over the-

Banjo: Oh, I get it! You dropped it in his SOCK, not his nose-warmer!

Kazooie: Let me talk, you lardy dunce! Klungo's gonna bring the galaxy to its knees!

Banjo: I could have told you that!

Kazooie: Suuuure…

Back to Fungus Forest. Run up ahead from the end of Mumbo's area as Banjo and Kazooie. You will collect a new item called a Jiggy. Defeat 2 mushroom boar monsters (called Shroom Hogs), jump two spike pits, clobber 10 more Shroom Hogs, beat up 4 of the Mini-Klungos, and find a new mole hill.

Bottles: Who wants to be immortal?

(Banjo raises his hand)

Banjo: I do! I do!

(Kazooie shakes her head and Bottles continues talking.)

Bottles: With a special move called the _Wonderwing_, nothing can harm you! Use_ Golden Breegul Feathers _as a power source. Simply crouch with **Z **and hit **LEFT-C**to activate. Keep holding the crouch button to continue, but beware as your feathers will drain.

Take 50 golds from the mole and move along. 3 armoured Shroom Hogs drop from the trees and come to attack you. _Wonderwing _them to death and run along a new path with 7 golds on it. A huge, rock-hard mushroom lies in front of a tall ledge. Go to the mole-hill to your right and talk to Bottles once more.

Bottles: Heavy items like this mighty mushroom can be pushed around. Go behind the item and move the control stick forward.

Kazooie: I'm glad I'm in Banjo's pack right now!

Bottles: Of course, you can always get this R3 to move it too!

Kazooie: Who are you calling an R3, you R3?!

Bottles: You, RS3!

Banjo: Enough with the language! Let's get moving!

Bottles: Wait! Is that a Jiggy you have, Banjo? You can use the Jiggy magic to track Klungo's lab and follow him into Era!

Push the mushroom over to the ledge, hop on, and hop off again right to the top of the ledge. 5 armoured Mini-Klungos run towards you. Use your feathers on them. Stop when you come across a huge ocean. Run to the mole hill to the right.

Bottles: Banjo! Use caution when going past that water gate! Blib-Blub, the Ocean Lord, has taken over Fungus Forest's waters a riddled all of it with evil poison mushrooms. What's worse, he's gotten his pet megaladon, Neptunes, to guard the waters! Use this _Bubble Blaster_ for underwater combat. You'll need it for a boss fight against Neptunes Megaladon!

Kazooie: A BOSS FIGHT?!

Bottles: Sheesh, you make it sound life-threatening or something! Anyway, push the **R** button to launch bubbles from your gun. Good luck! You'll need it!

Kazooie: ULP! Bottles said we need LUCK to pull through!

Banjo: And the GOOD variety at that!

Kazooie: Uuh…yeah….

Dive into the water. Use the _Bubble Blaster _to destroy the gate blocking the way. Blast 8 evil mushrooms with your gun and swim along to find a long row of geysers. They fire in patterns. Time it correctly and you'll get to the other side safely. 6 armoured Mini-Scuba-Klungos come after you. You can't use breegul feathers in water! Lure them to the geysers. Blast through another gate and swim down a tunnel. This ends the level.

Banjo: Oooh! The suspense!

_STATS_

_JIGGIES_: 1

_BATTLE TOKENS_: 0


	8. Water Wars

_BOSS LEVEL 1: WATER WARS_

Banjo and Kazooie enter a HUGE round water cavern with a giant geyser at the center of the floor. Neptunes Megaladon floats in the middle. All the exits close.

Neptunes: RAARGH!

Banjo: What?

Neptunes: RAAAAAAARGHH!

Banjo: Sorry, I can't quite under-

Neptunes: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGHHHH!

Banjo: Thank you! Much clearer!

Banjo equips his _Bubble Blaster _and the rumble begins. First, Neptunes stays in the center of the room, barfing bubble bombs everywhere! Swim up and down to avoid the explosions. Next, she rams in to the all of the walls. Get out of the way while she revs up! Avoid 4 of these attacks. A Banjo button appears on the floor. While avoiding bites, fire at the button while she's at the center of the room. The geyser will heat up and boil the crap out of her. Shoot bubbles at her while she burns to take away some of her HP. That's 1 out of 4 times you'll have to attack her! She'll start spewing bubbles, but this time the explosions are bigger! Now she'll drop eggs all over the ground. They hatch upon hitting the cave floor and Snacker clones come out. After Neptunes finishes lobbing the eggs, there will be 6 Snackers on your trail. They all come after you, trying to get good bites out of Banjo and Kazooie! Avoid the attacks of them AND Neptunes while trying to blast the Snackers to death. Neptunes begins bashing the walls again, but much faster this time! Avoid the attacks, and a shadow will appear in the corner. Lure her into smashing the wall with the shadow below and a rock will come from the ceiling and smash her! As she struggles to get out from underneath, bombard her with bubbles! Two boss segments remaining. She spits bombs everywhere, but now the explosions are bigger AND they're more accurate AND the Snackers are coming after you. To make things easier and faster, try luring them into the bubbles. Neptunes now head butts the ground over and over again, causing gigantic stones to fall everywhere. Don't let them hit you, unless you want pancakes for dinner! After that happens, Neptunes spins madly and dangerously around the room while making bubble bombs fly all over the place! Avoid Neptunes and her bombs. Make her chase you towards the Neptunes button. Once she hits it, all the water dries from the cave and Neptunes begins flipping and flopping all over the ground and spitting bubble bombs all over. Avoid contact with her and her bombs while blasting her to take some HP away. The water returns. Now for the final segment! Neptunes throws homing-bubble-missiles at Banjo and tries to chomp on him at the same time while sending more Snacker clones at him. SWIM LIKE HECK! And make sure to dodge carefully. Now, while still sending Snackers at you, she tries to whip you with her tail, blow you up with her missile bubbles, and smash the ground and the walls to not only make rocks fall everywhere, but shake the whole room violently, making evading even more difficult. After working your fuzzy behind off trying to avoid all this, the hulking megaladon finally sits still. Bottles magically appears radio in hand. He pushes a button and disappears. He reappears, waves at Banjo and Kazooie, and goes away once more. With the radio activated, a lullaby starts playing. Neptunes falls asleep and 4 scuba Mini-Klungos appear. Get them to fire their harpoons at Neptunes. She wakes up, stares at Banjo, and this ends the Water Wars. PHEW!

Read and review! I know where you live! Yeah, you!

Banjo: ME?!

ShootingRistar360: I'm talking to the reader, but I still know where you live.

STATS

_JIGGIES_: 1

_BATTLE TOKENS_: 0


	9. One Big Step For BearKind

_CUTSCENE 4: ONE BIG STEP FOR BEAR-KIND_

Bottles (narrating): Now where were we? Oh, yes! After the defeat of Neptunes Megaladon, Banjo and jerk were another step closer to finding Era! What will happen next? Well, before we get to that, let's see what happens after the big shark battle!

Neptunes: Wow! I am, like, so, so, so, sorry! I didn't want to cause any harm! Stupid Blib-Blub! He made me do it! Here, have the _Battle Token_ he made me guard. I don't know what it does, but it's probably useful!

(If any honeycombs were lost in battle, Neptunes returns them.)

Neptunes: There! Much better! And I also found this crazy thing called the _Mystery Pink Egg_. It's supposed to open magical secrets. You can have it. And take this Jiggy, too!

(Neptunes gives Banjo a big, wet smooch and walks, err, SWIMS away. Swims away. That sounds weird!)

Neptunes: Seeya around, handsome!

Banjo: What was that?!

Kazooie: That was frightening! Let's leave before she returns and decides to spend her life with you!

Neptunes: I'VE RETURNED, AND I'VE DECIDED TO SPEND MY LIFE WITH YOU.

Kazooie: Hold **B**! Hold **B**!

(Banjo and Kazooie swim away from the cave, safe from…disturbing stuff. They swim ashore on Techno Island, were they find Bottles, Mumbo, and Humba Wumba.)

Banjo: We found another Jiggy!

Bottles: The Jiggy magic tells me that Klungo's old lab is somewhere on this huge island. With two more Jiggies, we'll be able to track down Klungo's lab and make it to Era! Hopefully in time to save it!

Banjo: We also retrieved this thing. They called it a _Battle Token_!

Bottles: We can use all the _Battle Tokens_ to break into Klungo's new hideout and take him down for good!

Kazooie: Okay, but what's this thing, know-it-all?

Bottles: Is that the…IT IS! Kazooie, that's a _Mystery Item_! The _Pink Egg_, to be exact! By snatching all of these incredible things, you can access a Stop'N'Swop feature between this game and the next! After Klungo's defeat, we can take them all to Mystery Cavern and unlock oodles of secret content!

Humba: For now, let's just try to chase down Klungo before he causes too much trouble!

Kazooie: Wait a minute! This is the wrong island! Look at the sign!

Mumbo: Corpse- Flinger World?

Banjo: Hurry, everyone! Let's latch on to Captain Blackeye's ship and see if we can find Techno Island!

(The five heroes grab the gigantic ship and climb on.)

Bottles: Whoa! This ship is so big it could be a whole level!

Banjo: Great going, Bottles! Did you have to say that?!

_STATS_

_JIGGIES_: 2

_BATTLE TOKENS_: 1

_MYSTERY ITEMS_: 1


	10. Blackeye Express

_LEVEL 3: BLACKEYE EXPRESS_

(WATER IS SHARK INFESTED!!) You begin at the back of the ship with a trap door in front of you (because Bottles can't use mole hills on a ship)! Run over to it for Bottles to come out.

Bottles: You'll never run up this steep ramp without a move I call the _Talon Trot_! Kazooie carries Banjo around super fast and easily conquers slopes!

Kazooie: Uh-oh. I know this is going to hurt.

Bottles: Exactly why I love this move so much! Hold **Z** and press **LEFT-C** to use Kazooie!

Sprint up the ramp and come across 2 Sailor Mini-Klungos. Smack them good and slide down the other end of the ramp. 6 living pegs with captain hats, eyes, and pistols hop out from a trap door and start firing at you. Kill them and hop down the door to collect another Jiggy. Come out and find a Bottles trap door.

Bottles: Destroy hard items with this move! The _Beak Barge _will get anything out of the way for you. Hold **Z **and press **B**! Test it out on that food barrel!

Crack open the barrel to get two honeycombs. When you come across a Yum-Yum pit, climb up the crow's nest nearby and hop along four wooden platforms with 2 golds on each. Hop down to the other end and battle 2 Sailor Mini-Klungos and 2 peg captains. Seagulls will start flying by and dropping cocktails (for most of the level, so keep them in mind!) A large wooden wall blocks the next area. _Beak Barge _the Kazooie button to call on Mumbo for help. Mumbo appears before you and begins a special task for you.

Mumbo: Mumbo hold off as many Klungo things as possible. Banjo must hit buttons with explosive gun powder barrels.

Banjo: So that activates the way?

Mumbo: Yes. But hurry up. Klungo things many in numbers.

Endless Sailor Mini-Klungos come towards you. Mumbo attempts to hold some off but he WILL miss a few. You have to grab the TNT barrels and toss them into 4 Banjo buttons. If the sailors attack you, or if the seagulls successfully bomb you, the barrel explodes in your arms. It will take some honeycombs AND you'll have to start over. Bust all the buttons and the wall will explode. Mumbo disappears and Banjo and Kazooie are free to resume the level. Go to the next trap door and talk to Bottles.

Bottles: YO, BANJO, MY BROTHAH FROM ANUTHA MUTHA! And species.

Kazooie: Bottles, you have the worst attempts to be cool I've ever seen.

Bottles: Yeah, I know. Anyway, wanna learn a sweet new move?

Kazooie: No. Your moves are too painful.

Bottles: Okay, then! I guess I'll just have to leave then!

Banjo: Bottles get back here! We need your moves!

Bottles: Obviously your short-fused friend doesn't think so!

(Jam Jars pops out beside Bottles)

Jam Jars: Okay! I'll do it then!

(Bottles devours Jam Jars.)

Banjo: Uuuh…that was a little disturbing.

Bottles: Yeah, I know, but it was for the best.

Kazooie: Yeah, I guess so. Anyway, what's the move that I know I'm going to hate THIS time, cylinder brain?

Bottles: I call it the _Beak Buster_! Jump and push the** Z** button to come crashing down!

Kazooie: Aw, come on! Aren't there any moves that hurt Banjo?

Bottles: Not that I can think of.

Slam the Kazooie button on the ground to make Humba appear before you.

Humba: You see this big wall behind me? This tiny corner is the only destructible part! You and Kazooie would never fit like that! Only a tiny bear fits through there. Come here and I'll make you a tiny bear for you!

Banjo: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Humba! I hardly know you! Let's not take this too far!

Humba: No, you moron, I'm going to magically shrink you!

Banjo: It would take all the water in the world to-

Humba: MAGICALLY!

Humba will shrink Banjo and Kazooie down to size. Go into the hole and begin walking through the long area of wood (seagulls can't hit you!). Find a new trap door inside.

Bottles: OWOWOWOWOWOW! My head! OWOWOWOOOOWWWW! Just a sec!

Bottles will go down the trap door and come out the one near Humba. Banjo and Kazooie can faintly hear their conversation.

Humba: You see this big wall behind me? This tiny corner is the only destructible part! You would never fit like that! Only a tiny mole fits through there. Come here and I'll make you a tiny mole for you!

Bottles: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Humba! I hardly know you! Let's not take this too far!

Humba: No, you moron, I'm going to magically shrink you!

Bottles: It would take all the water in the world to-

Humba: MAGICALLY!

Bottles follows you inside with another move

Bottles: No, I'm giving them a special hint! Ahem. Out of the sea it rises to reveal more secret prizes.

Banjo: Hmmm…something sounds familiar about that sentence.

Keep running along to find a dead end. A spider is in front of you! You're small, so a spider is big to you! Avoid his acid saliva and beak bust him when you get to him! Hop on to his web. It flings you through the hole in the top. You're outside again! Humba turns you back to normal. Slam on top of the 6 Rock Mini-Klungos and use any attack on the 10 Sailor Mini-Klungos. Run ahead toward a huge wall with a ladder on it. Climb up the ladder while moving around to avoid seagull bombs and giant slugs that go up and down the ladder. Get to the top and snatch 7 golds. Use them to fight off 10 armoured Mini-Klungos. Drop down to the other side and defeat 30 peg captains. There is a non-Bottles trap door. This is an extremely large trap door. Jump in to land on a staircase. Seagulls can't harm you because it closes! Continue down to stumble upon a big winding staircase. Get to the bottom and walk through a door to end the level.

Read. Review. You know.

Banjo: No I don't!

P.S. Were you wondering about Bottles' hint? After spending about 4 minutes on this level, Blackeye's ship passes by Sharkfood Island. Quickly hop off the ship, on the top of the island, and back on the ship before it leaves. Now you have the _Mystery Yellow Egg_!

_STATS_

_JIGGIES_: 3

_BATTLE TOKENS_: 1

_MYSTERY ITEMS_: 2


	11. Blackeye Cellar

_LEVEL 4: BLACKEYE CELLAR_

Banjo comes out the other end of the door with a Bottles trap door in front of him.

Bottles: Hey, there, Banjo! You're at the treacherous depths of the Blackeye Express Ship! Who knows what death lies about here?!

Kazooie: Gee, thanks, Bottles! You're so comforting!

Bottles: Hey, I'm only trying to make this sound exciting! While crouching, press **UP-C **to fire Kazooie's eggs forward. To fire from her smelly rear, press **DOWN-C**. You'll need to use eggs to destroy the 4 locks on that door on the other side of this Yum-Yum pit. Have 40 to start with.

Stay on the floor to shoot the bottom 2. _Talon Trot _up the ramps on the sides and fire the high 2. The door flies open. Double jump to the other side. An army of 20 drunken grublins spot you and jump from their chairs to throw beer bottles at you. Let's call them Whisky Grublins! They are invulnerable to most attacks, but you can defeat them by firing eggs directly into their mouths. Once they are all dead, super-jump on to the Whisky Grublin table they drank from. Collect 6 eggs and 6 feathers and go through the next door. A big speaker is attached to the ceiling, and Blackeye's voice is heard.

Blackeye: Oooog…Oooohh…Umm…attention, hench-people…there is a...Oh...A pig with a beagle in her…Purse…Are invading our space ship..And…(Hand me some beer, will ya?)…They might be trying to steal our whisker…No…Whisky supply. Oh, man. I think I'm gonna lose my lunch… BLEAAAAAHBAAARFF!!

Kazooie: Yuck! I'm glad I didn't see that!

Banjo: Hey, Kazooie! Should we try their beer?

Kazooie: BANJO!

Clobber 10 Peg Captains, 10 Sailor Mini-Klungos, and 10 more Whisky Grublins. Advance to the next room. There is a humungous Yum-Yum pit. Hop along 8 crumbling platforms to make it to the other side. Collect 4 feathers and 4 eggs. Go through yet another door and find a room with a Sailor Mini-Klungo on a turret. Avoid his shots. While he reloads, quickly clog his gun up with 3 eggs. Repeat this 4 times (gets harder every time!) and he explodes. The next door opens and four more turret guys come out (they only take one hit each, fortunately). Four Peg Captains spring from the door. Beat the crap outta 'em and 4 Whisky Grublins emerge from the door. After that, you'll have to defeat 4 more Rock Mini-Klungos. After that big battle you can finally move on! Go through ANOTHER FREAKING DOOR to find ANOTHER FREAKING TRAP DOOR.

Bottles: Ready for a new move? It's called the _Talon Torpedo_! Press **Z** underwater to move the control to Kazooie as she launches herself into things in need of smashing. While she speeds along, hold **A** to move faster! Kazooie has only 20 seconds of torpedo power, so hurry up with whatever you do! Press **B** when you want to bring Kazooie back. If Kazooie is damaged, she looses eggs! Well, until next time, Banjo!

With Bottles' new move, go into the water in front of you and torpedo the 6 Kazooie buttons to open the wall up ahead. Go back to the surface and go through another door.

Bottles: Kazooie isn't powerful enough against stronger enemies, so here's a new water attack! _Sub-Aqua Egg Aiming_! Press **UP-C** to aim and **Z** to fire! Good luck with those nasty sharks in this next pool!

Dive into the water, collect 7 eggs, and blast away 4 sharks that take 10 hits each. Torpedo 2 Scuba Mini-Klungos and advance to the other side. Jump out and go through- you guessed it- A DOOR. You will find another winding staircase that takes you downward. YOU'RE REALLY DEEP IN THE SHIP NOW. Keep moving, collect 9 feathers, and use them to defeat 30 Armoured Mini-Klungos. Dive into more water and defeat 10 sharks (faster than the previous ones!). Come out on the other side to find Mumbo standing in front of a gigantic door.

_STATS_

_JIGGIES_: 3

_BATTLE TOKENS_: 1

_MYSTERY ITEMS_: 2


	12. Pirated

_BOSS LEVEL 2: PIRATED_

Banjo, Kazooie, and Mumbo enter a large circular room. The infamous Captain Blackeye stands in the middle, chugging down another huge beer. Blackeye finishes and collapses to the ground.

Banjo: Well, that was easy enough!

Blackeye grabs a pistol and pulls himself to his feet.

Blackeye: Arr! The cap'n is never easy ta finish, land lubber!

Kazooie: I think he's feeling better, Banjo!

Mumbo: Bear and bird leave. Mumbo handle this!

Mumbo Tokens pop up every once-in-a-while. The battle begins with Blackeye chasing you around the room with his sword. Run fast and hop around to avoid his attacks. After he finishes that, he'll stay in the center, firing his pistol at you, while Whisky Grublins appear and begin to attack you and Sailor Mini-Klungos as well! Mumbo can't defeat them, so he has to get Blackeye to shoot them! Mumbo must then grab a bottle of beer and chuck it in his face. After that tough segment, Blackeye starts swaying around in the center. Run up to him quickly and keep him zapped for 5 seconds, but not too close or he'll swat you away, causing you to lose 3 honeycombs and miss your chance! But have caution while doing this, because the henchmen are still after you! With this successfully done, the captain will chase you around the room again, this time him AND his weapon move faster, and more enemies attack you. Avoid him long enough for him to move to the center. He shoots his pistol at you again, but more enemies are after you AND he fires more accurately! After that, he throws beer bottles at you, and don't get hit, or you'll not only lose health, but be stuck swaying on the spot for a few moments, making you an easy target for the enemies! He then goes back to the center. Throw a bottle at him, he sways, you zap him, yadda-yadda-yadda, he does the sword thing faster, he shoots at you with better accuracy with more numerous and stronger enemies, he-

Mumbo: STOP BEING SO LAZY!

ShootingRistar360: Oh, great, another one breaks the fourth wall! Mumbo shut up and keep fighting Blackeye!

Mumbo: Whatever, but no slack on battle description!

ShootingRistar360: Yeah, yeah, no description laziness.

Mumbo: FOR REAL?!

ShootingRistar360: YES, FOR REAL, NOW SHUT UP AND KEEP FIGHTING!

Mumbo: How can Mumbo be sure?

ShootingRistar360: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!

Mumbo: Oh, my. Mumbo better continue, huh?

ShootingRistar360: YES, now hurry up! I'm going to DIE before this battle finishes!

Next, he throws bottles at you again, but with bigger flying beer radius, so dodge with mad skillz, or ELSE!

Bottles: Aw, man, I wanted to be the first one to say mad skillz!

ShootingRistar360: SHUT. UP. OR. DIE.

Bottles: What's so bad about THAT? Oh, wait a minute.

Now he fills the room up with water and hops into a submarine. Avoid the Scuba Mini-Klungos and sharks while looking out for torpedoes. The water dries up and Blackeye's sub explodes. Zap him one and the door behind him opens, revealing a huge hallway leading to a new room. Chase him through the long corridor, avoiding contact with enemies and all of the mines Blackeye drops. Safely get to the other side to find a much smaller room (less fighting space!) and Blackeye will chase you…AGAIN! This time, 3 of him are after you at once. Don't forget the henchmen! Do some REALLY HARD evading and his clones explode and he returns to the center. New clones appear and they all fire homing-missile launchers at you that follow you and create huge explosions. The room is completely filled with enemies and you have to get the captains to shoot every single one. But you can't get hit once yourself, because one missile will kill you just like that.

Mumbo: Just like what?

ShootingRistar360: Never mind.

He throws balloons full of really powerful beer that will stun you until you take 4 hits! The balloons also have a gigantic flying beer radius. The room fills with water once more. Avoid sharks, sea mines, other submarines, Scuba Mini-Klungos, whales, blowfish and Evil Mumbos. Water dries up. After this, he transforms into a sea monster! Dodge barf, beer, enemies, and any other dangerous crap you can think of (bombs, flames, Bottles, etc.) . Throw 5 beers into his mouth and he's out. Collect the Battle Token he drops.

_STATS_

_JIGGIES_: 3

_BATTLE TOKENS_: 2

_MYSTERY ITEMS:_ 2


	13. Mumbo's Bad Skull Day

_CUTSCENE 5: MUMBO'S BAD SKULL DAY_

Mumbo: Yes! Mumbo win! Yay!

??: Mumbo! Mumbo! Rise, Mumbo! You shall obey me! Now, rise! Mumbo!

Mumbo: Huh? What?

(Suddenly Mumbo wakes up to see Bottles staring down at him.)

Bottles: You must obey! Wake up! Wake up!

(Mumbo stands up and feels squishy vomit all over his body.)

Mumbo: Huh? What happen?

Bottles: Somebody set us up teh bombzorz! HEHE GIGGLE SNORT.

Banjo: Mumbo, you drank too much! You okay?

Mumbo: Uuuuughh. COFF COFFF COFF! Oh, no. It gonna be one of those days. HICC.

Kazooie: Quit ripping off other Rare games and let's get going!

(The Banjo-Kazooie crew goes back to the top of the ship to the…the…CONTROL CENTRE??)

Humba: What the Gloeboe?? What kind of old-fashioned boat has such complicated control??

Banjo: Umm…A not old-fashioned boat?

Kazooie: This is our stop! Techno Island is right over there! We have to get off somehow!

Banjo: Hmm… I'll press this button.

BEEP!

Humba: No, you idiot! That's the eject…

(The whole ship starts rumbling.)

Bottles: Toastyyyyyyyyyyy!

Kazooie: Enough with the internet gags! You're such a geek!

(Ship shoots them right over to Techno Island.)

All: OOOOW! OOOOW! EEYAOOOW! HOLY CRAP! OOW! PAIN!

Banjo: At least we're here now, right?

Mumbo: Let go find base now!

Bottles: Sounds like a plan, Skull Kid!

Skull Kid: Oh. Where you talking to me?

Bottles: Uuh…Nevermind.

_STATS_

_JIGGIES_: 3

_BATTLE TOKENS_: 2

_MYSTERY ITEMS_: 2


	14. Cyber Jungle

_LEVEL 5: CYBER JUNGLE_

Good work! Looks like you made it to Techno Island! Now you just have to make it to the base! Leave the beach shore and head for the jungle. Stop at the mole hill.

Bottles: Listen up, dude and dudette!

Banjo: FORGET IT, BOTTLES!

Bottles:….I'M SAD NOW!

Kazooie: Uh oh.

Bottles: WAAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAHAAAHAAAHAAAA! HOW COME I NEVER GET TO BE COOL??

Banjo-Kazooie: …

Bottles: Uuh… Sorry about that. Anyway, you guys have to be on your guard! I need one more Jiggy to find the fortress! And Mumbo is ugly! Did you know that, question mark?

Kazooie: WHAT THE-

Banjo: So, one more Jiggy, huh? Sounds good! (Smiling uneasily)

Go along the trail to meet a red, fat Mini-Klungo with an imp tail.

Bingo: Hey, animules! If youse finds me enough Musical Noteses, I'll gives youse a Jiggy.

Kazooie: Tisk, tisk. Never trust someone who speaks with an "S" at the end of every word.

Bingo: If ya wanna questions the ways I talks, I can keeps da Jiggy.

Kazooie: No, no, that'll be fine. We'll find your stupid "noteses", whatever the heck you'd use 'em for.

Bingo: No noteses, noes Jiggy!

Banjo: Let's go find those Musical Noteses!

Walk the duo down the jungle path and take out 4 turd-tossin' baboons. Come across an ape poo pit. Hop across the 8 crumbling stone platforms and land on the other side to find a big pond. The way ahead is blocked by a huge metal wall so jump in the water. Grab 10 notes and go into the underwater wooden tube to collect 10 more notes, steering clear of the poison-kissin' frogs. (Did you notice the way I put "in'" instead of "ing" at the end of everything? It's fun! Try it.) Blast them with nine eggs each and come out the other end of the tube. A much tougher and larger version of the geyser puzzle from Fungus Forest lies ahead. If you're not dead, climb up the ledge and at the surface and use some gold feathers on the 8 armoured baboons. These guys take long because you have to dodge their giant, powerful, speedy fists three times before running behind and smacking their fragile butt armour. There's a huge ledge up ahead! Take them out and a tree will appear in front of you. Climb up until you reach an area with a spiky surface. Now you'll have to hop along the branches to get to the top. Just avoid more poison frogs who want to kiss you to death for no apparent reason. Reach the top and finally hop onto the tall ledge. Carefully walk along a thin rope above another monkey crap ravine. You still have to be fast, though, because up on the side-ledges are more simians who want to bombard you with their droppings…for NO APPARENT REASON. Deja vu. Anyway collect ten Musical Notes while on the rope. At the other end (that sounded wrong) battle 3 monkeys, three, armoured ones, then three frogs. Now time for a mini cutscene!

(Two spear Mini-Klungos from earlier are hiding behind a bush, whispering to each other. One is Shigeru, the other Oda.)

Shigeru: Those fools are coming this way! What do we do?!

Oda: Let's team up and destroy them with our super powers!

Shigeru: YES! No living being has ever survived the might of our earth-shaking evil power!

Oda: Let's do it!

End of cutscene. Shigeru and Oda jump out from behind the bush and begin glowing. RUN. They create a HUGE plasma explosion that…melts them. Move along and pretend that never happened. Run past their black, cracking skeletons and collect 20 more notes. Hop up another ledge. Atop is a mole hill and a poo pit with a spring in front of it. Talk to Mr. Geeky once more.

Bottles: You're gonna LOVE this move, Kazooie!

Kazooie: Okay, this looks bad.

Bottles: This is the move with the ultimate name: _Kazooie's Egginator!_ What do you think? Here's how you do…_Kazooie's Egginator!_

Banjo-Kazooie: Hee Hee Hee!

Bottles: SHUT UP CHARLIE BROWN PANTS. Anyway, while in _Talon Trot_ mode, simply push **B **while standing on a special Kazooie pad to lay an egg thirty gazillion times bigger than Kazooie!

Kazooie: YOU STUPID PIECE OF SH-

Banjo: Uh, let's move Kazooie.

Kazooie: AARRGGHH! I HATE THAT MOLE! HATE HIM! HATE HIM!

Lay an egg on the spot using your new move.

Kazooie: AAG! AAG! RRRG!! IT'S COMING OUT! OWW! OOHH! AAAHAA! OOH! AIEE! OH JEEZ, I THINK I'M CONSTPATED! AAAAHH! RRRR-POOT!

Finally, the egg is out! Aw, man, that hurts! My butt's bleeding like crazy! Ow!

After that disturbing sequence, get Banjo to lift the rather large egg (by getting near it), bring it over to the spring, and bounce it up to the bridge above. Bounce yourself up and make sure you aim to land on the bridge and not in the…you know…gorilla dung. Pick up the egg. Walk along the bridge, careful to avoid the gas clouds that come from the the pit in patterns. Getting hit will damage Banjo and break the egg, forcing you to start over. After the bridge avoid the next few monkeys and frogs because you won't be able to attack them. Dodge around them and go into the hole in the ground. While in the underground cave, Do the same rope puzzle you did before but now with an egg! Extra challenge! Finally, reach the end and put the egg down on the Kazooie pad. The rock in front of you breaks, allowing passage further into the cave. END LEVEL.

Same old, same old. R&R before Kazooie lays a big egg on your delicate little skull.

_STATS_

_JIGGIES_: 3

_BATTLE TOKENS_:2

_MYSTERY ITEMS_: 2

_MUSICAL NOTES: 50_


	15. Gigabyte Cavern Part 1

(Kazooie is seen standing in front of the screen next a box of…of…oh, no. You've GOT to be kidding me.)

Kazooie: This level is brought to you by _Banj-Os_! Seriously, _Banj-Os_? You couldn't come up with a better name than that??

Director: Shut up!

Kazooie: Fine. _Banj-Os_! They're _Banjolicious_! Wait a minute. Is Banjolicious even a real word?

Director: Well, uh, we wanted to promote it in an interesting and completely unoriginal way.

Kazooie: Whatever. Can we get on with the game now?

Director: Okay, fine. Continue then.

_LEVEL 6: GIGABYTE CAVERN_

Once inside the cave, head for the mole hill.

Bottles: Here's another move Kazooie will love! The _Bill-Drill_! Do the Beak Buster, but hold **Z **after to dig through certain surfaces with extra power!

Kazooie: AAARRRGGGHHH!!

Use your eggs to defeat the 10 bats that come down after you. Beak Barge the Kazooie Button to make a Banjo button appear. Below is a lava pit. Jump it with a double jump and use your claws on the Banjo button. Go back to the other side of the pit and go through the now opened door. Bill-Drill the hole of dirt to get 10 more notes. Then Bill-Drill the molehill.

Bottles: EEK! OW! Collect OW Honey OUCH Pots for full health! OOH!

Ahead is a huge lava pit with some platforms. Collect the Honey Pot that appears and lay an egg on the Kazooie pad. Avoid geysers, bats, frogs, and flying lava rocks. Walk the egg towards the spring. Put it down and aim at the bats just above the spring and bash them with your eggs. Put the egg on the spring and it goes to the next platform. Take the spring and throw it to the next platform (springs are light enough), careful not to drop anything or get hit, because you know what that means. Mini-Game Time! Several stone Mini Klungos go after the egg. Don't let any of them touch the egg, and make sure to wonderwing all 7 before 20 seconds are up. After that, place the spring on the edge in front of the ledge of rock up ahead. Put the egg on the spring and then spring yourself up the ledge. To your right is a high ledge and a giant teeter-totter in front of you. Place the egg on the left side of the teeter-totter and beak bust the right side. The egg is flung up to the ledge and lands on a Kazooie pad. The wall ahead crumbles. (HINT: Bill-Drill in front of the teeter-totter to get a spring. Put the spring in front of the ledge and bounce. On the ledge, move the egg away and beak bust the pad to make the Red Mystery Egg appear!) Run on into the room to find a towering volcano. Get ready for an ugly climb. This will take a while. Jump up to the ladder and climb to the stone land sticking out of the volcano. Collect 10 notes. The stone land twists all the way up the volcano. Careful not to fall! And look out for flying lava rocks. Super jump to get over a gap and land on the high area. You have to be extremely precise to make it. Keep running and clobber 7 armoured apes before they toss you into the lava! Do a couple small jumps and come across another big gap. There are four crumbling platforms. Yellow, right in front of you. Orange, second closet. Aqua, second farthest. Purple, at the other end of the gap. They appear in a pattern. Orange, Yellow, Aqua, Orange, Purple. Super jump to the orange, jump backwards to yellow, super jump to aqua, jump back to orange AND IF YOU'RE REALLY LUCKY, you'll safely land on the purple platform. Jump to the end of the gap. FAST. Continue on up the colossal volcano, bashing bats and frogs, ten each. Balance along another thin rope, watching for the enemies balancing as well. Two platforms are moving up into the air and down into the lava indefinitely. Time this simple puzzle right and continue your way up the volcano. Come to a stop at the tall rock slope. Talon Trot your way up, making sure to evade flames moving around. At the top of this slope (not of the volcano, sucker!) lay an egg on the pad. Carry it up to the edge with three glowing buttons in front of it. The buttons are all colourless, but they need to be red to create a bridge to carry the egg across. Here's how it works:

HIT#1GREEN

HIT#2PINK

HIT#3RED

HIT#4BROWN

HIT#5SKY

Step on each button three times. Carry the egg along the new bridge. Avoid enemies 'n' stuff, you know this by now. Spring the egg up to the high platform. Toss the spring up there and super jump. Armoured bats are after you! Chuck the spring at 'em and let the egg bounce to the volcano's next level. Spring yourself up and prepare for another Mini-Game. 20 Frogs are after the egg! Keep them away and clear all of them before 80 seconds are up. If you succeed, pick up the egg and walk across a bridge made out of bricks. Avoid flying lava rocks, baddies, and flimsy bricks. Spring the egg up. The land ahead is too high to toss the spring up there! Bill-Drill beside the spring to get a trampoline. Spring the spring and yourself up to where the egg is. The spring lands on the other side of a gap! Plop the egg down on the button. A bridge appears, but removing the egg makes the bridge disappear! Leave the egg on the button for now. Use the bridge to get to where the spring is. From taking such a big bounce and landing hard, the spring is broken. If you throw it, it will fall into pieces! Carry it across the bridge. Move the egg, and put the spring on the button. Carry the egg to the other side. Go back across the bridge. A mole hill will appear there.

Bottles: This spring needs a good fixing.

Kazooie: Thanks, lardy! I would've never figured that out!

Bottles: Take this item. It's a _Hammer_.

Banjo: Really. I would never have known.

Bottles: Shut up! No one insults a hip mole! Go into the pause menu and select your _Inventory. _Activate any item you highlight with the control stick by pushing **A**. With an item activated, press **L** to equip it. If you no longer need it, press **L** again to unequip. Press **B** to use an item while it is equipped. While carrying an item, you cannot attack so get used to **L**-Toggling!

Equip the hammer and fix the spring. Lift the thing. The bridge goes away. With the spring fixed, simply toss it to the other side. Use the hammer to fix a broken bridge on the same gap. Put your hammer away so you can put the spring in front of the next platform. Bounce Banjo and his egg to the top of the volcano

Banjo: (Swaying and staggering at the top ledge careful not to fall inside) WAAAAAA!

(Drops the egg and plugs up the volcano)

KA-BOOM!!

(They are sent flying)

Banjo-Kazooie: YAAAAAAAAA!!

Sick of this level yet? Too bad. There's more.

_TO BE CONTINUED _

_STATS_

_JIGGIES_: 3

_BATTLE TOKENS_: 2

_MYSTERY ITEMS_:3

_MUSICAL NOTES: _70

_INVENTORY_: HAMMER


	16. Da Bottles Bop

_CUTSCENE 6: DA BOTTLES BOP_

Hi! ShootingRistar 360 here! To cut in to a brutally boring level, I have created this intermission of sorts to nourish your sanity and keep you entertained as I plan Banjo's upcoming adventures in the next chapter. For the time being, I present to you, Bottles' very own rap song that he wrote all by himself! Ready, Bottles?

Bottles *wearing shades and bling*: Bro-ham, I was BORN READY.

ShootingRistar360: I'm scared.

Bottles: Yo bettah be scared, biznitches, cuz Big Bottles is cummin' fo' ya! HE WE GO!

My name is Bottles, da gansta mole!

Ya gotta jump real high, or you'll fall in a hole!

The goggles I wear are really thick!

If I annoy you, you'll call me a pri-

ShootingRistar360:BOTTLES! Let's keep this story at a K+ rating, 'kay?

Bottles: Okay.

If I annoy you, you'll call me a stick! How's that?

ShootingRistar360: It sucks, but at least it's clean. Continue your song.

Bottles: Uhh! If you hack Banjo-Tooie, you'll find Bottles' Revenge!

And there's a bunch of rocks named Stonehenge!

I like to play on my computers!

Umm...Something, something, something, ooters!

When I go fishin', I fish for bass!

And if you don't like it, you can lick my a-

SR360: **BOTTLES!!!!**

Bottles: Okay, okay!

I was created by a company called RareWare!

And if you look up my snout you'll find a nose hair!

I know this gal called Kazooie and she's really, really stupid!

Umm...Cupid?...

I am the author's favourite character and I love to rap!

And in Star Wars there's a vehicle and it's called the STAP!

We're the Mario Brothers, and plumbing's our game!

We're not like the others who get all the fame!

I am very pissed off, 'cause I'm not in Brawl!

So watch out Nintendo, I'm gunna kill you all!

Seeya later!

Alligator!

In a while!

Crocodile!

You know I'm really good at this rhyming crap!

When I hit on the girls the wife gives me a slap!

This story's like a game and it's called A New Era!

I'm taking my next vacation in O'Hara!

Or maybe I'll rent a hotel in Peru!

Or I'll go to Canada and check out the Winnipeg Zoo!

DK!

Donkey Kong!

DK!

Donkey Kong is here!

Uhh...yeah...anyway...

Sometimes I like to sit down and read a book!

But I'm still afraid to go near Tom Nook!

The guys that made me hail from Britain!

When it's cold outside I like to wear mittens!

My best old buddy is a redneck bear!

His honey is something that he will not share!

If you choose her, you won't choose wrong!

With a skip 'n a hop, she's ONE COOL KONG!

At winter time, it's really snowy!

Grunty's Big-O-Blaster is all sucky and blowy!

I'm running out of things to say!

A very small island is called a cay!

Now my song is wrapped up!

A young dog is called a pup!

WOOOOOOOORD!

So, author guy, how was my rap? Was it not the biggest and baddest tune anyone's ever busted out in the history of man?

ShootingRistar360: It was...interesting. What was that about sucky and blowy?

Bottles: Well, that's the end of Da Bottles Bop! Check back later for the conclusion of Gigabyte Cavern!

Kazooie: Woah, woah, wait a minute! HE'S your favourite character?! ARE YOU SH***IN' ME?!

_TO BE CONTINUED _

_STATS_

_JIGGIES_: 3

_BATTLE TOKENS_: 2

_MYSTERY ITEMS_:3

_MUSICAL NOTES: _70

_INVENTORY_: HAMMER


	17. Gigabyte Cavern Part 2

_LEVEL 6: GIGABYTE CAVERN_

Previously on Banjo: A New Era, Banjo and Kazooie had just carried a humongous egg to the peak of a tall volcano. Banjo lost his balance and dropped the egg, plugging the volcano which erupted and sent them hurling away into the deepest reaches of the cavern. Now Banjo and Kazooie land on the ground in a distant part of the cave, directly in front of Humba Wumba, who looks down on them curiously. Banjo looks up at Humba's face.

Banjo: Uuuh, I WASN'T LOOKING UP YOUR SKIRT!

Humba: Well, I never even thought of that, but now that you said it...

Kazooie: Would you zip it and help us out already?! We just got shot out of a volcano!! We can barely move at all! Look! My leg is twitching!

Humba: Alright, alright, just calm down and I'll find some help...

Banjo: Oooooh...My spine...You do that, Humba...Kazooie and I will just lay here and try not to die...Ouch.

Once again, the gameplay begins. You're playing as Humba now. Run along deeper into the cave and grab 3 notes. After a couple more steps, you'll come across one of Bottles' infamous molehills. Once in close proximity Bottles pops out...a little too close to Humba.

Bottles(backs away) : Uuuh, I WASN'T LOOKING UP YOUR SKIRT!

Humba: Oh, God...Just give me my move, okay?

Bottles: This is a very interesting move. By aiming your view at certain objects and pressing the **L** button, you can levitate them! Then push **B** to fling them forward, or **L** again to put them back down gently.

Suddenly, ten bats come down quickly and fly after you! Raise some of the boulders nearby and send them flying toward the bats to complete this quick challenge. Go to the sides of this room, each of which has 2 notes waiting to be collected. Now advance further into the tunnel to find a big volcano pit that cannot be jumped over. In front of you are five buttons labelled, "S", "T", "S", "H","B". Also in front of you are a stone, a turd (probably from one of the monkeys on this island), a skull, and a honeycomb. Levitate the stone and put it on the first "S" button, put the turd on the "T" button, the skull on the second "S" button, and the honeycomb on the "H" button. But how do you press the "B" button, you ask? Simply go back to the molehill and use your kinetic powers to pull Bottles out and drop him on the button.

Bottles: You sick bas-

ShootingRistar360: If you can't stop cussing, I'm removing you from this story/game/thing!

Back to the game. Now that all the buttons are pressed a bridge will appear that stretches across the lava pit. Walk across safely and find 5 notes on the other side. Now enter the large, round room up ahead to find a colossal caveman. He stands in the center of the room, spitting his acid saliva at you. Dodge five shots, and then he'll chase you with his gigantic club. Now hurry and grab a boulder and toss it at his head. If this is not done fast enough, he'll catch up and smash you dead! This must be done three times, until he eventually drops dead. Now grab one more boulder and toss it at the belly of his corpse. 10 notes fly out of his mouth. Snatch them and then head up a staircase made of stone. Now you'll reach another lava pit with platforms that dip into the lava and come back out, all at different times. Jump across all four of them, each of which have two notes. Get into the next tunnel ahead to find a bunch of frogs that jump up really high, over and over. With some precise timing, you have to use your powers to through them at each other until the twenty of them are all gone. Once you're done with them (phew), you'll find a long hallway with a door on the other end. Open that door up to find a massive room with a HUGE monkey dung pit through the middle. On the other side of the pit are four monkeys throwing their poo at each other. One of them notices Humba and turns toward her! This looks like a boss...

_TO BE CONTINUED _

_STATS_

_JIGGIES_: 3

_BATTLE TOKENS_: 2

_MYSTERY ITEMS_:3

_MUSICAL NOTES: _100

_INVENTORY_: HAMMER


	18. Quadruple Trouble

_BOSS LEVEL 3: QUADRUPLE TROUBLE_

The four monkeys all look at Humba. The first monkey becomes confused as to why Humba is here.

Monkey 1: Can't you see we're playing a good game of Pooball?! You'd better have one hell of an excuse for interrupting us!

Monkey 2: Yeah! I was in the zone!

Monkey 3: So? Why are you here?

Humba: Well, my friends are hurt. Do you know anybody who can help?

Monkey 4: Well, we do keep first aid kits here. Often times we almost kill each other during Pooball, but it is SO worth it!

Humba: So...can I use it?

Monkey 1: If you want it, you must defeat us in an authentic game of..._**POOBALL!!!!!**_

Humba: Aw, crap.

This is gonna be fun! As the battle opens, the four bosses turn their backs on you and bend over. You can probably see where this is going. Huge streams of liquid-ish crap come out of their arseholes, and are SO powerful that they can reach you from all the way across the room! All four mad streams of crap will aim up and down and back and forth, so to avoid them you must run, jump, and crouch like MAD during this insanity to remain safe. If you're still in one piece, armies of bats come down from the ceiling and fire huge balls of guano down at you. Not only do you have to run away from them, but they create ginormous waves of pure crap that you will have to jump over, careful that they don't knock you into the poo pit between you and your foes. Once they're gone, the four monkeys will run toward the edge of their side of the room and crap into their hands. Now they will throw giant exploding chunks of crap all over the place for you to hurriedly evade. Once they finish throwing, they will quickly crawl and hop and run all over the place. Take this opportunity to, as fast as possible, levitate the turds and send them toward the monkeys. You only have a short time to do this, and if you cannot hit ALL FOUR of them before they stop running around, none of your attacks will count. If you are successful in hitting them before they resume attacking, then the battle advances, and it will only get increasingly difficult. The monkeys go back to their first attack, except this time the beams of shite are faster and wider than before, and the monkeys also walk around as they are doing this, making these hazards all the more difficult to dodge. Then the bats return, but this time they're shooting you at the same time the monkeys are firing their streams of liquid-ish crap, forcing you to move frantically to survive! Once again, the monkeys will go back to tossing pieces of their dung-bombs at you, although this time, when they explode, they fall into smaller pieces which will also explode! Not only will you have to do more dodging, but you'll also have to hit all four monkeys twice each because the pieces are so small! Once more they go back to their odd stream attack, which still has wider and faster streams with bats shooting you, AND the monkeys are throwing their crap bombs all at the same time! This part is EXTREMELY tough. But what you have to do is use your powers to grab their crap-bombs in mid-air before they hit you, and try your best to hit the four monkeys four times each, which is no easy task, considering that you're still avoiding bats and crap streams and flying pieces of crap bombs and crap shockwaves all the while, not to mention that the four simians are highly skilled dodgers due to their experience in Pooball. But if you can manage to complete this daunting task, you will finish the level! The now-dead monkeys will drop a Battle Token and their first aid kit!

_TO BE CONTINUED _

_STATS_

_JIGGIES_: 3

_BATTLE TOKENS_: 3

_MYSTERY ITEMS_:3

_MUSICAL NOTES: _100

_INVENTORY_: HAMMER, FIRST AID KIT


	19. Extermination

_CUTSCENE 7: EXTERMINATION_

After some fixing up, Banjo rises to his feet and stretches out his arms.

Banjo: Aaah...Thanks, Humba.

Kazooie: Hey, we have a hundred notes! Maybe Bingo will give us our Jiggy now.

Banjo: Let's go back to Cyber Jungle and ask him about it...

_LATER..._

Bingo: Youse better has dem noteses, or I is gunna be pissed with yas!

Banjo: Is one hundred enough?

Bingo: Sures. Youse gives mes das noteses ands I'lls gives youse das Jiggys.

Banjo: ...Wut.

Bingo: GIMMIES! (He takes the notes and hands Banjo a Jiggy)

Banjo: Four Jiggies! This should be enough to help us find where Klungo is hiding his laboratories.

Bottles (Pops out of the ground): Wahay!

Banjo (punches Bottles' face in): DAMMIT, BOTTLES, I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE THAT BAD, BAD WORD.

Mumbo: Um, Banjo, Bottles get brain damage. You hit him too hard. Pieces of brain leaking out his mouth.

Humba: That's okay! This first aid kit also happens to handle cranial reassembly!

Kazooie: I say we leave him that way...

(A while later, after Humba heals Bottles, he gets back up and continues talking.)

Bottles: Alright, team, these four Jiggies will allow us to track Klungo's lair, which is somewhere on this island. Follow me!

(Eventually the gang comes across a huge metal building that reads, "KlungoTek Industries.")

Bottles: This looks like the place. Klungo's vortex to Era will be inside this lab.

(Bottles pushes a button that opens the massive electronic door. He and the others explore for a while until a red light begins flashing and a robotic voice is heard.)

Security Computer: Intruder alert! Intruder alert!

(Instantly, an entire army of small mechanical Grublins surround the heroes.)

Mecha-Grublins: EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE! EXTERMINATE!

Kazoooie: Oh, shut the hell up!

Banjo: C'mon, Kazooie, let's EXTERMINATE!

(Banjo yanks Kazooie out of his backpack and holds her like a gun, much like in Banjo-Tooie.)

Banjo: Say hello to my little friend!

Bottles: Yeah, Banjo! Blast 'em! PLOW, PLOW, PLOW!

Kazooie: What kind of a sound effect is "PLOW?"

Bottles: Well, I just remembered this time I read this awesome story on FanFiction called Halo: Halos in Space...

Kazooie: Can this wait?! We're only about to be killed!

Bottles: Okay...

(One of the Mecha-Grublins runs after Banjo and tries to grab him, but he jumps up out of its reach, does a huge back flip, lands behind it, and breaks its head off with a barrage of eggs from his "little friend." Then one of the Mecha-Grublins runs up behind him, picks him up, and tosses him towards a wall. When Banjo lands, he crashes right into a big red button.)

Security Computer: Self destruct in sixty seconds!

Kazooie: Banjo, I _really_ hate you.

_TO BE CONTINUED _

_STATS_

_JIGGIES_: 4

_BATTLE TOKENS_: 3

_MYSTERY ITEMS_:3

_MUSICAL NOTES: _100

_INVENTORY_: HAMMER, FIRST AID KIT


End file.
